Why “Divorce Month” is a red flag, and how to rewrite the tired narrative of marriage before you say “I do.”

January. The month of resolutions, fresh starts, and… apparently, divorce? Yep, that’s the not-so-subtle message peddled by some media outlets, framing January as the peak season for marital meltdowns. But as Fierce Millennials, we’re not buying it. This tired trope reinforces harmful stereotypes and ignores the deeper issues that can plague marriages, particularly for Black women. So, let’s ditch “Divorce Month” and rewrite the narrative. Let’s talk about building marriages that are worth fighting for, not throwing away.

The Problem with “Divorce Month”:

On the surface, “Divorce Month” seems like a neutral statistic. But when we dig deeper, it reveals a web of assumptions and biases. It assumes that marriage is inherently unsustainable, particularly for Black women. It perpetuates the myth that Black women are quick to leave relationships, conveniently ignoring the systemic factors that often contribute to marital struggles, such as economic inequality, racial discrimination, and limited access to resources.

The Real Culprit: The Patriarchy of Marriage:

Let’s be honest, traditional marriage often comes with a hefty dose of patriarchy. It’s a script where one partner (usually the man) takes on the dominant role, while the other (often the woman) is relegated to a supporting one. This dynamic can breed resentment, stifle individual growth, and create power imbalances that eventually crack the foundation of the relationship.

But wait, there’s hope!

Before you write off marriage altogether, hear us out. Building a healthy, equitable partnership is absolutely possible. Here are some ways to slay the sexist script and rewrite the rules:

• Ditch the Disney Fairytale: Fairytales paint an unrealistic picture of happily ever afters. Remember, real relationships require work, compromise, and constant communication.
• Prioritize Individual Growth: Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. Pursue your passions, nurture your friendships, and invest in your own well-being. A fulfilled individual makes a better partner.
• Communicate Like Adults: Talk openly and honestly about your needs, wants, and expectations. Don’t bottle up your feelings or expect your partner to be a mind reader.
• Challenge Gender Roles: Share household responsibilities, emotional labor, and decision-making equally. There’s no room for outdated notions of “masculine” and “feminine” tasks.
• Build a Support System: Surround yourself with fierce friends, family members, and mentors who will uplift and support you, both inside and outside your relationship.

Remember, Fierce Fam:

“Divorce Month” is just another attempt to box us into limiting narratives. We deserve more than just surviving marriages. We deserve partnerships that are equal, fulfilling, and built on mutual respect. So, let’s rewrite the script, throw out the patriarchy of marriage, and cultivate unions that are worthy of our fierce hearts and brilliant minds.

Links:

• Check out these amazing resources for building healthy relationships: The Gottman Institute, Black Love Docuseries.

By reframing the conversation around marriage and focusing on building healthy, equitable partnerships, we can create a future where “Divorce Month” becomes a relic of the past. Let’s write our own stories and leave behind a legacy of love, respect, and empowerment.