Navigating infidelity and trust with insights from relationship therapists.

Can a Cheater Change? Experts Weigh In

The age-old adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” casts a long shadow of doubt on relationships touched by infidelity. Can trust ever fully be restored? Can a person who has strayed truly change their ways? While there’s no simple answer, seeking guidance from couples therapists can offer valuable insights and help you make informed decisions about your relationship’s future.

Why Do People Cheat?

Before we dive into whether a cheater can change, it’s crucial to understand why people might cheat in the first place. Infidelity is rarely a black-and-white issue. Here are a few common (but not exhaustive) factors that can contribute to cheating:

• Unmet emotional needs: Feeling unseen, unheard, or unappreciated in a relationship can create fertile ground for seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere.
• Lack of communication: Poor communication can lead to unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, and a simmering sense of disconnection.
• Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-worth might seek validation and attention outside of their primary relationship.
• Opportunity and temptation: Easy access to dating apps and social media can make it easier than ever to connect with potential partners and make impulsive decisions.

It’s important to remember that these are just potential reasons, and each situation of infidelity is unique.

Can a Cheater Change?

The short answer is: It depends. While it’s true that some people develop patterns of serial infidelity, it’s also possible for a person who has cheated to learn from their mistakes and make positive changes. Here’s what couples therapists have to say:

• Remorse and accountability: Genuine remorse and taking full responsibility for the pain caused are essential starting points. If your partner is defensive, makes excuses, or blames you, change might be unlikely.
• Addressing underlying issues: Both partners need to examine what led to the infidelity. Was it a lack of emotional intimacy? Unresolved conflicts? Individual needs that weren’t being met?
• Rebuilding trust takes work: Re-establishing trust after a betrayal requires time, consistent effort, and often therapy. Couples may need to consider transparency measures, communication agreements, and support groups.

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

The decision to stay in a relationship after infidelity is deeply personal. There’s no right or wrong answer. Some factors you might want to consider carefully:

• Your partner’s willingness to change: Are they committed to understanding their actions, working through the underlying issues, and doing what it takes to rebuild trust?
• Your emotional well-being: Can you envision healing from the betrayal and feeling secure in the relationship again? Is seeking individual therapy beneficial for you during this process?
• Long-term goals: Do you both share a vision for the future of your relationship? Are you aligned on the steps needed to heal and move forward?

If you’re struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. Consider seeking professional guidance from a couples therapist. They can help you explore your options, rebuild trust, and create a path forward – whatever that might look like for your unique situation.