When love isn’t blind, and appearance matters more than you thought.

Dear Alex: My boyfriend wants to marry me — but he’s ugly

Dear Alex,

I’m in a serious relationship with the most wonderful man. He’s funny, smart, supportive, and he treats me like gold. We’ve been together for two years, and he wants to marry me. The problem? I find him physically unattractive.

When we first met, I hoped the attraction would grow over time, but it hasn’t. I respect him so much, and I love being around him…but there’s no physical spark. I’m worried that if I marry him, I’ll always be longing for something more.

Am I being shallow? Should I give it a chance, and hope my feelings change? Or is physical attraction a dealbreaker?

Sincerely, Conflicted and Confused

Dear Conflicted and Confused,

This is a difficult question, and your honesty is commendable. Physical attraction is a complex issue, and it plays a vital role in most relationships. Here’s what you need to consider:

• Honesty is Key: Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Hiding these feelings will only create resentment down the line.
• Attraction vs. Arousal: Is it his overall appearance, or is a lack of sexual passion the issue? Physical attractiveness can fluctuate, but sexual incompatibility can be harder to navigate.
• The Importance of Attraction: Attraction isn’t just about how he looks to others – it’s about how he looks to you. Can you envision yourself being physically intimate with him for decades to come?
• Resentment Risk: If you marry him despite your reservations, are you setting yourself up to feel dissatisfied later on? Could this lead to infidelity?

Ultimately, this is about what kind of relationship you want. Is attraction negotiable? Are his other qualities enough to compensate? There’s no easy answer, but these questions can help you figure out the best path forward.

Let’s Talk About It

This is a sensitive topic, so I’d encourage readers to share their thoughts in the comments section. Fierce Millennial is about creating a space where women can discuss these real-life issues openly.